Comfort.

The one thing that I has always and will always make me feel safe is having a guy hold or have his arms around me. I think it is just a sense of security they provide that makes all the bad things go away and I forget my problems. So why is it that I made the one thing that makes me feel okay is the one thing that I may never have?

hey guys

hey theres this stupid girl that has been tormenting me since fifth grade. Haha, don't you just love it. I legitimately hate everyone. Like, do people really have nothing better to do :) what ever. Happy Hurricane-ing everyone!

Random motivational fact: Dying is easy. Living is hard.

Things I hate: 1

I hate having to tell people what you did because they always say that I should forget you; that I am better, but what they don't understand is you were everything I wanted and needed and you were just so perfect it is still hard to believe what you did. What is worse is how they tell me that I am too smart for this. I know I am, but i still have hope. I want you so bad.

I don't know what to write about, but I want to write...

What are you doing right now? Are you living or just breathing? Thriving or surviving? You may be full of thoughts but are you thoughtless? Do you love to live or live to love?

I'm the kind of girl they love to hate. I can take it most days but sometimes it gets to me. I really take too much consideration of what people think of me... especial people that I don't even like. I have so many regrets and I regret things I can't even help. I have many flaws: I am quiet. I am not gorgeous. I am not very good at sports. I am not an artist. People tell me that I shouldn't sing even though I kinda like my voice... I say sorry too much. I fall in love to easy. My heart breaks even easier. I complain a lot. I want to be a vegetarian. I cry when I sing certain songs for no reason.

No, I am defiantly not perfect, I never said I was,

"We fall down on the inside; pretty on the outside."

I'm lonely and very afraid of this year to come. I am going to walk through the hallways with that fake smile pretending nothing is wrong when my whole world is falling apart around me. I can already see it.

I see teenage love forming all around me. A couple kissing sweetly in the commons while another walks hand-and-hand behind me. Those around me are giggling about the cute boy in third period and their hot summer flings and I just sit in my spot staring out, longing for the same, sweet feelings. I pretend I understand and throw in a giggle and nod every now and then to make it look like I'm there, but I'm not. I not even close. I am in my own world that formed around the hidden headphone in my left ear. I slouch against the wall and count the seconds until the bell rights. 600 seconds, 599 seconds, 598 seconds, 597... I feel a presence. I turn and see you have fallen into place besides me. You comment on my choice of clothing for the day but I can't tell if its honest or sarcastic. I pretend not to hear. You reach for my headphone as I turn the volume higher warning you not to get closer but you don't listen. Your arm extends over my chest and I remember what it was like those chilly winter afternoons feeling your hugs goodbye all over again. I look away hoping you don't notice the look in my eyes. The same look they portrayed during those January class sessions. I have a feeling it is going to happen all over again. No where to run. We met eyes for an everlasting second and I want to scream. You have a look of concern. I turn back to my notebook in attempt to focus your attention elsewhere but I see you are looking over my shoulder. Cautious as to what to write, I write my url though I know you will never go to it. I hear you ask what it is and I tell you it is my only escape and that you should check it out. Will you realize it is all about you?

Now, I turn back to my reality*

I am sitting here on facebook and keep noticing your name pop up. I wish you would message me, I really need someone to talk to tonight.

Lovin' is what I got.

Ha, jk.

I still think about the way you looked at her and I think about how it is all I have ever wanted. Why can't he look at me the way you looked at her. I really just don't get it. I looked in the mirror today for a long time and thought that I was actually pretty, but if that is true, than why am I the only one who has to say that they have never been kissed, never had a relationship, and doesn't understand why. However, here is the catch...I can say what heart break is; I can tell you heart break stories that make your skin crawl and you heart try to run away forever and hide in fear. If I know that, why is it that I can't tell stories that make you skin feel warm and tingly and your heart want to sit right inside and sigh in desire for that one special feeling. I don't really think that it is all that fair. Do you?

She complains of heart break and desperation to regain his love but she has it and she knows it and she wants it but she won't accept it. I complained about heartbreak to her love filled heart months ago and was written off because I wasn't even in a relationship. Do you know that that hurts worse? Falling in love and waiting for the person to make their move. I woke up every day for months thinking 'Today might be the day!" and going to sleep thinking "Maybe tomorrow :)' Sometimes there is no doubt in my mind that those thoughts were the only thing that kept me going to school every day and waking up. Other times there is no doubt in my mind that now the reason for the same motion is absent and that I needed that to get me through a horrible time. What about now during this bad time? Why am I alone all over again?

I miss him so much every day I yearn to seen his smile and feel the warmth of his arms around me. I want him back but I know two things; the chances of another return are both very likely and very unlikely and its just going to end in heart break.

Forth times the charm.

Side note: I am not going to text anyone first, post a facebook status, or make a call (with some exceptions) until someone shows me that its all worth the time and breath.

Bananas!

Hi. My name is Shauna. I like boys. :) Boys like to break hearts,especially mine.

QUOTE:

"The best ways to avoid being hurt are not letting anyone in and taking every word said about you as a compliment. Sadly, both have very bad downsides. Not letting anyone in means you are alone in you battles and must hold in you thoughts and struggles. Taking every word said about you as a compliment can still hurt and you may lose a sense of how you really see yourself."

describes me

"-you sit in your towel after a shower because you're too lazy to get dressed.

-you and your bestfriend can say one word, and crack up.

-you hate when one string of you're hoodie is longer than the other.

-you hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don't.

-you hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway.

-you feel like if you turn on the lights, you will be safe from anything.

-you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks.

-you laugh when people get hurt, then stop when you realize it's serious.

-you hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them.

-you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice.

-you pretend to sleep when your parents come in.

-you text the person next to you things that you can't say out loud.

-you hate when people in front of you walk really slow and you can't get past them.

-you're always tired no matter how much sleep you get.

-you stop the microwave before it hits 00:00 to avoid hearing the beeps.

-you use the "sup" head nod.

-you hate when you are mad at someone and they make you laugh.

-you check the fridge every ten seconds to see if food magically appeared"

POTTERMORE!

I GOT THE EMAIL SAYING I WOULD BE IN BY THE END OF AUGUST! :)

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

(I'm not really that excited but everyone else seemed to be....)

teehee:)

How long has it been?

Lots have been happening! oh boy oh boy!

Today is Monday. I don't think that I have sleep at my house in like two weeks? :) :)

HEYGUYSIMADEFRIENDS!

but they aren't allowed back at my house :(... oh well. hahaa <3 long story...

BUT!

I might be going to six flags wednsday! YAY! :)

haha im a loser sorry i can't write about my life online like this :P

omnomnom

im not exciting am I

IMCRAZZY

Quote:

"When I was in school, I was bullied by these awful girls that weighted about thirty pounds less than I did......One day you will have a stage all your own too to sing and dance on."

~Lady Gaga <3